Recovery: Ownership

There’s a number of ways to deal with a shitty situation, some of which I want to talk about in the process of this blog, but with all the things in mind, it will always come back to ownership. It’s easy to take ownership of the great things, but it’s the acceptance of the bad things that will make you stronger. Ownership, in the process of recovery, is about self acceptance.

Post Hospital

In 2011 I suffered a sudden cardiac death and was put into an induced coma for 24 hours. What followed was the hardest 3 years of my life and the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Death and suffering, gave me perspective and appreciation. Every single day that I am alive I immerse myself in the world around me because I want to be here. There is a choice we make in everything that we do in life, we choose to become invested or not.

It’s hard to admit that you’re fucked up, especially when others always see you as something else. In order to grow you have to make the choice to remove your ego from your health. I had so much ego wrapped up in appearances that I was actually endangering myself. I had to step away from the gelled hair, and the ego whorish side of my public self to be honest: “I am not ok. I feel terrible and I am scared. Please help me.”

I took on the responsibility as an individual, but it was the people around me that carried me through the hard times. Ownership of our problems does not mean we have to be Atlas with the weight of the world on our shoulders. We personally have to bear the responsibility for how we deal with these changes, but it’s the community that creates the environment for success. My new years Facebook status sums up my feelings on the topic perfectly:

“This New Years I am thankful for my heart that puts up with all of my shit, and the people in my life that get me through the days when it doesn’t.” 

When I subconsciously willed the worlds resources from inside my lifeless body, putting in the (very tall) order for four CPR trained women to save my life, I took on the responsibility of being alive. I took on the challenge of living a life with these physical and mental limitations in mind. It is the ownership of that responsibility which keeps me alive and fulfilled to this day.

Image

This is a photo of me after being released from the hospital. Walking along the running trail on which I was found weeks before.

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