I’m a baby

ImageBabies are in a constant state of survival, always in a transition phase from needing one life sustaining thing to another. One moment they need food, another they need sleep, then they go poo and then they need food again. And so the cycle continues. Now where as I have grown out of pooping and burping uncontrollably and needing to be tended to by my mother, things haven’t really changed that much in the face of medical adversity.

I was feeling truly wonderful, something I hadn’t felt in quite some time. I went about my day, chipper and in good spirits basking in the glory of a clear conscience and promising afternoon. In the ecstasy of the moment began to feel light headed mid walk. I found myself feeling as though my head were floating along above my body as I strolled. Nearly headless Nick would have been proud! However, walking across Granville street bridge at midday with traffic roaring past you every second is not where you want to feel the beheaded sensation of your childhood wizard novels.

Suddenly I was in survival mode. The walk was no longer that of pleasure or for exercise but a endurance battle to find my way back home without having to lay down and order chinese take out in a park somewhere. With deep breaths, a lot of mental focus, and one random sit down chat with a lady working at Shoppers Drug Mart, I managed to get myself home and into a chair. Redefine “a walk in the park” for me please…

I slowly prepared and ate a meal in my own home, under my own power… and I take a little pride in that. It seems that even with the food in my stomach my body was tired. With that depletion to that level I was not able to regain my strength fully… I am finding myself in need of structure for the most basic of human needs in my life. Steady meals, lot’s of sleep, communication with friends and family, burpings and regular bowel movements…

Ok so maybe I am still a baby. A baby with the body of an 80 year old man with amazing skin for his age. I may look like a fit young man with nothing but a world of possibilities, but my aspirations are humbled by my ability. Everyday I feel as though I am torn in two directions. The part of me that wants the simple, easy life medically suggested to me, and the acting life and the rumpus lifestyle of spontaneous freedom. The two cannot live together unless they are together in tandem. I must find the patience and resolve to maintain myself and my career as two separate but equally important parts of my life.

With more focus put onto the vital components of my life that literally keep me alive and functioning my body works better for the tasks that I need to do. Quality of time spent rather than quantity. Spend 3 hours having a nap, eating a good meal and talking to your parents, and spend 1 hour working. Instead of 4 hours on no sleep and an empty stomach and a clouded mind full of unexpressed thoughts. And here we are… hypocritical me. Sitting in front of my computer at 1 am writing all this stuff out when I should be in bed dreaming of the 3 egg omelette I am going to make tomorrow.

Thanks for listening.


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